Within minutes of CENTCOM’s press release confirming fresh strikes and a resumed naval blockade, a homeowner two time zones away declared her own “Strait of Hormuz Watch,” repositioning a folding chair to the end of her driveway and requesting that neighbors treat the mailbox as a forward observation post until further notice.

She has since reclassified a delayed recycling pickup as “a logistics disruption consistent with hostile intent” and asked the group chat to stop calling it overreacting, noting that more than 20 Navy warships are currently deployed and that someone, frankly, has to hold this end of the street.